The Chosen One, Avoiding Love: Anakin Skywalker and the Avoidant Heart

In honor of May the 4th, I thought it would be fun to take a look at our dear friend, Anakin Skywalker...Classic Avoidant

“I’m not the Jedi I should be.”

Those were Anakin Skywalker’s words—spoken in frustration, in grief, and beneath them, in fear. But what if those words weren’t just about Jedi expectations? What if they were about love, loss, and the inability to let anyone fully in?

From the outside, Anakin’s fall to the dark side looks like a tale of power and corruption. But beneath the surface, his journey is laced with something far more relatable: avoidant attachment.

This is the story of how the Chosen One was never taught how to feel safe being close—and how that fear of vulnerability became his undoing.

Abandonment in Childhood: The Root of Avoidance

Anakin’s life began in trauma. Born into slavery. Raised without a father. Separated from his mother as a child. Each moment carved a deeper wound of abandonment into his heart. And just when he thought he was chosen—rescued—he was placed in the Jedi Order, where emotions were discouraged and attachments forbidden.

Avoidants are often shaped by early experiences of unmet needs—where being vulnerable wasn’t safe. Anakin didn’t just fear abandonment. He lived it.

Jedi Training: Suppression Disguised as Strength

The Jedi believed emotions led to the dark side. Love was dangerous. Fear was a weakness. So, instead of helping Anakin understand his feelings, they taught him to bury them.

Avoidants aren’t emotionless. They’re trained—consciously or unconsciously—to hide emotions behind walls of logic, silence, or control. The Jedi didn’t make Anakin stronger. They made him suppress himself.

Secret Love: Craving Intimacy, Fearing Dependency

Anakin’s love for Padmé was real, but it wasn’t safe—not emotionally, and certainly not publicly. He had to hide it. Protect it. Control it. And when visions of her death haunted him, he didn’t seek help. He sought control.

Avoidants often crave deep connection, but fear what it might cost. So they hide love, overthink it, or grip it too tightly. Love becomes something to manage, not something to rest in.

Fear of Loss: The Trigger to the Fall

Anakin didn’t become Darth Vader out of rage. He fell out of fear. Fear of losing Padmé. Fear of being powerless again. Fear of reliving the pain he never healed from.

Avoidants often don’t handle loss well—not because they don’t care, but because they care too much and don’t know how to process it. To them, closeness means risk. And risk means pain.

The Mask of Avoidance: Becoming Vader

Once Anakin becomes Vader, the transformation is clear—not just physically, but emotionally. Stoic. Cold. Controlled. But behind the mask? Still broken. Still grieving. Still afraid to be seen.

Avoidants wear emotional armor. It looks like independence, success, or even strength—but beneath it is a scared, unseen heart.

Redemption: The Power of Being Seen

It wasn’t a Jedi council or a military rebellion that redeemed Anakin. It was his son. Luke didn’t lecture or fight to change him. He simply believed there was good in him. He saw him—and that was enough.

Avoidants need to be seen without judgment, loved without pressure, and reminded that healing is still possible. Luke gave Anakin what the galaxy never did: unconditional love.

What Anakin Teaches Us About Avoidant Hearts

Anakin Skywalker is more than a tragic hero. He’s a mirror for every one of us who has loved from a distance. Who feared being too much or not enough. Who wore strength like a shield. Who ran from love because we never learned how to feel safe in it.

But even in his darkest moment, there was still good in him.

And there’s still good in you.

If you’ve ever pushed someone away to avoid getting hurt… if you’ve loved deeply but struggled to show it… if you’ve worn your own emotional armor just to survive… this story might be for you.

Avoidant attachment doesn’t have to define your ending. Healing is possible—even in galaxies far, far away.