10 Things I Hate About Me (The Old Me, The Avoidant One)

This Healing Avoidant’s take on 10 Things I Hate About You

This isn’t shame. It’s accountability.

This isn’t a pity party. It’s a promise to do better.

I’m not writing this to beat myself up.

I’m writing this because I’ve seen the damage avoidance can cause — not just to others, but to my own soul.

This was the version of me built on fear, control, and a deep belief that I wasn’t worthy of lasting love.

But that’s not who I am anymore.

And these are the 10 things I hate about who I used to be —because I’m finally healing the reasons I ever thought I had to be that person in the first place.

1. I hate that I pushed people away when I needed them most

I convinced myself I didn’t need anyone…when deep down, I was just afraid no one would stay.

2. I hate that I ghosted instead of being honest

Avoiding discomfort felt easier than explaining my heart.

But all it really did was leave others hurting in the silence I created.

3. I hate that I pretended not to care

I cared deeply.But I thought showing emotion was weakness.

Now I know — indifference doesn’t protect your heart, it numbs your soul.

4. I hate that I avoided hard conversations

I thought avoiding conflict would keep me safe.

But it only kept me from intimacy, growth, and understanding.

5. I hate that I minimized my own feelings

I told myself “you’re fine” when I was falling apart.

Now, I honor my emotions as signals — not inconveniences.

6. I hate that I ran from intimacy when it got too real

I used to leave before I could be left.

Now, I’m learning to stay — not because it’s easy, but because it’s worth it.

7. I hate that I withheld love to feel in control

I thought love was leverage.

But real love doesn’t manipulate. It gives — freely and bravely.

8. I hate that I shut down when I should’ve reached out

Silence felt safe, but it left me alone in my pain.

Now, I speak up — even if it’s messy.

9. I hate that I believed I wasn’t worthy, and assumed they’d leave anyway

So I sabotaged it first.

But God is healing the part of me that thought I had to earn what He gave me freely.

10. I hate that I tried to heal alone

I thought I had to “fix myself” before I could be loved.But healing happens in community — and with God, not apart from Him.

This isn’t about shame — it’s about transformation.

And while I may not be perfect now, I’m no longer that version of myself.

I don’t need to be.

Because the version I’m becoming is rooted in truth, in healing, and in faith.

I’m not avoiding love anymore.

I’m learning to receive it — and give it — the way it was always meant to be.

So if you’ve ever been this person…

or if you’ve been hurt by someone like this…

you’re not alone.

We can change.

We are changing.

Not overnight — but with intention. With accountability.

And with God — always with God — rewriting the parts of our story we once thought were permanent.

The avoidant in me helped me survive.

But it won’t lead the way anymore.

This time, I’m choosing love.

And I’m choosing to stay.