Breaking the Real Chains: How The Bondage Breaker Is Helping Me Heal Avoidant Attachment

Not all prisons have bars. Some are built with lies we’ve believed for too long.

When I first picked up The Bondage Breaker by Neil T. Anderson, I thought I was diving into a book about spiritual warfare.

What I found instead was a lifeline—one that’s been helping me in the messy, ongoing process of healing avoidant attachment through a spiritual lens.

This wasn’t just another self-help guide. It revealed the deeper battle I’d been caught in—one that wasn’t just emotional, but spiritual. The Bondage Breaker is helping me recognize that my avoidant behaviors aren’t just patterns… they’re strongholds. And those strongholds are rooted in lies I believed about myself for far too long.

The Hidden Strongholds of Avoidant Attachment

Avoidants? We build walls and call it strength. Independence. “I’m fine.”

But really? It’s fear.

Fear of being seen. Known. Hurt.

Anderson calls these mental strongholds—spiritual lies that turn into emotional defaults. For me, they sounded like:

• “You’re too much.”

• “You don’t need anyone.”

• “They’ll leave once they really know you.”

• “You’ll never be enough.”

  
  

They weren’t just passing thoughts. They were chains—ones I’ve worn so long they almost felt like armor.

Learning to See Myself Through God’s Eyes

The biggest thing The Bondage Breaker is teaching me is this:

My identity isn’t found in what I’ve done or what’s been done to me. It’s found in Christ.

That may sound simple, but it’s been changing everything.

As someone still walking out a faith-based journey of healing avoidant attachment, I’m realizing I can’t “fix” my way out of these patterns. Healing isn’t about controlling my emotions—it’s about surrendering them. Not to a person. Not to performance. But to God.

God doesn’t ask for perfection.He asks for honesty.And when I show up as I am, He meets me with grace I still don’t fully understand.

Spiritual Warfare, Reframed

I used to think spiritual warfare was something loud and external. But lately I’ve come to see it as the internal battle I fight every day:

• Choosing to stay when I want to run

• Choosing to speak when silence feels safer

• Choosing to trust when control used to be my shield

  
  

And in this slow, honest process, The Bondage Breaker has become a weapon—not against people, but against the lies that kept me isolated for so long.

Scriptures I’m Holding Onto

One of the most healing aspects of Anderson’s message is replacing lies with God’s truth. I’m learning to speak these scriptures over my mind and my heart—especially on the days the old voice creeps back in:

• “I am accepted.” (Romans 15:7)

• “I am free from condemnation.” (Romans 8:1–2)

• “I am God’s workmanship.” (Ephesians 2:10)

  
  

These aren’t quick fixes.

They’re footholds.

They keep me grounded when the old wiring tries to pull me back under.

I’m Not Fully Free Yet—But I’m Not Stuck Either

This healing avoidant is still in process.

Still unlearning.

Still showing up.

Still letting God write a new story—one that isn’t built on fear or shame, but grace.

The Bondage Breaker didn’t solve everything overnight. But it’s helping me break free from the parts of me that used to run from love, connection, and truth.

I may not be there yet.

But I’m not where I was.

And I’m not walking this road alone.

If you’re somewhere in the middle too—still healing, still fighting, still trying to understand your patterns—I hope this gives you some hope.

You’re not broken beyond repair.

You’re not the only one.

And you don’t have to stay stuck.

Whether you’re just discovering your attachment style or deep into the work of healing avoidant attachment, I want you to know this:

You’re not walking alone.