Healing Didn’t Happen Overnight—But God Never Left My Side

This story isn’t just about pain—it’s about purpose. About how God used physical discipline to prepare my heart for spiritual transformation. It’s for anyone who's felt stuck in their own patterns, who’s loved and lost, and who’s still learning to trust again. If you’ve ever wondered if healing is possible for someone like you—this is for you.

There’s this idea floating around that healing is a moment. A prayer. A breakthrough. And while those moments are real and powerful, they aren’t the full story. At least not for me.

My journey didn’t start in a church pew or a therapist’s office—it started in the gym.

A year and a half ago, I made a decision to get serious about my physical health. I quit drinking, started eating clean, and forced myself to show up and work out consistently. I hated it at first. But something greater than me was moving behind the scenes—setting the stage for what would come next.

At the time, I didn’t realize I was just scratching the surface.

It took almost a full year before my avoidant patterns surfaced again in the worst way—I shattered the woman I love more than my words or actions at the time could ever show. I pulled the rug out from under her with no warning. It wasn’t anything I ever wanted to do. But I did it out of complete fear—fear that I would let her down, that I already had, and that eventually, she would leave. So I made the decision for her. I left first.

It’s something I live with every day.

That moment—those choices—are what led me to start Healing Avoidant in the first place. Because I couldn’t keep pretending anymore. I had to face the truth about myself, my patterns, and what they had cost—not just to me, but to the people who loved me most.

I didn’t go looking for distractions. I didn’t replace the loss. I sat in it. I kept working out, kept eating right, but the emptiness stayed.

Then came the holidays, and with them, a sudden awakening. I knew I needed more than just physical strength—I needed spiritual restoration. That’s when God started speaking clearly.

I began therapy. I started attending church regularly. I even submitted a prayer request—asking that if reconciliation was God's will, He would open the lines of communication. A pastor responded, and I’ll never forget what she wrote:

“Lord, at this moment may both of your children experience your presence with them.   God if it is meant to be through your will, open up lines of communication, help these two to have the words to speak and the heart to listen to each other.   Give them grace, forgiveness and your amazing love!   Let this become a story of testimony to you. And in all circumstances may we glorify you in the good times and the trials of life.   

In Jesus' healing name I pray, Amen .”

Weeks passed, and I felt led, because my therapist said it may be a good idea, to write a letter to my mother—one I never thought I needed to write, but apparently He had other plans. (That letter is shared in another blog, unedited except for removing names for privacy.) Not long after, mom passed away.

And then, the unexpected happened.

I received a text—condolences from her. It was the first message in months. My heart leapt… but the moment turned quickly. My attempt to reconcile again was met with honesty that wasn’t surprising—but was still heartbreaking. The events leading up to and shortly after that, inspired the song “Only Through You.”

That series of events wrecked me—and strengthened me at the same time. Because it made one thing undeniable: God was with me. Every step. Every fall. Every moment of surrender.

The signs became impossible to ignore.

This wasn’t just about physical fitness. God had used that first step—discipline—to prepare me for the deeper work. He knew I needed something I could stick to, something tangible, so I could eventually make sense of what was broken within me.

And now? I’m becoming someone new.

Healing didn’t happen overnight. It still hasn’t “finished.” But what has changed is this: I’m no longer doing it alone. God is in every step, every stumble, every small victory.

If you’re in that middle place—where healing feels slow, messy, or even impossible—don’t give up. The process is sacred. And even when you don’t feel Him, God is walking it with you.

You are not a lost cause.You are not too broken.You are becoming.

And God never left your side.

Want to hear the song that came from all of this?🎵 Listen to “Only Through You” on Spotify

Or read the letter that changed everything, written to my mother just days before she passed:💌 [Read the Letter Here →]

If this spoke to you, I’d love for you to share it, leave a comment, or message me on Instagram @healing__avoidant. You are not alone.